GENTLE TO OUR SCARS

I am in the present moment. I breath in and out…

I reflect upon my breathing, I go about my day. The present moment doesn’t always seem to stick for long enough though.

But when it does, I am amazed at how full and abundant my life in this very moment is.

 It is a feeling of being grounded and at peace. It is a feeling worth waiting for. 

Other times I am thrown back to a past memory. A time long ago. A person long ago and I feel pain. I try to fight these thoughts away.

Afterwards I feel bad .

Bad that I let these thoughts and memories get to me.

 

 

Stupid me. Aren’t we all supposed to move on?

 

Moving on is an active choice.YES!

But it also requires patience and acceptance. Sometimes the acceptance that there are indeed scares that might never completely heal. Not even with time. Some scars will always burn a little…might never truly fade into invisibility.

They might stay as a reminder.

But not as a reminder of how you have failed to move on completely and should just let go for goodness sakes, but maybe reminding you a little of how well you have indeed already moved on.

But that there was this big thing and this big thing, like it or not, is chapter of your life. A chapter you can’t rewrite. You can’t change your past.

You can be gentle towards yourself and understand that it takes time though.

And the goal is not to forget, even though you’d love that most of all, not to be followed by something from the past, casting a shadow on your beautiful present or future…

Be gentle to your scars. Now and then they will pipe up, to remind you that they are there.

Acknowledge they are there. Comfort them and let them slowly disappear into the background again.

Life is happening. Get back to doing your thing…

INNER CHILD CALLING…

They never said it was going to be easy.They also never said it was going to be as hard as it sometimes is.

Being an adult, we never are just that…

  Inside of me resides a little soul from the past. A part of me that never grew up. Got hung up along the way of climbing the age-ladder. 

That little soul is my inner-child. It reminds me in my adult life, during unexpected moments,of its delicate presence, that it is still there needing to be cared for and healed.

Healed from what? I am busy! Being an adult with work, relationships, finances.

But some things can’t be pushed aside for eternity. Sooner or later the little voice inside of me becomes louder. Craving attention. 

This is the source of my true wants and needs. The secret bearer of the puzzle pieces to make my heart complete. 

There’s no point in ignoring shortcomings. Not even those of a childhood trapped inside of me. I have to give in, listen to it, acknowledge it. And then …

The voice is gone. Quiet. Calm returns I can get on with my day. 

My inner child just needed attention,love, encouragement, that it’s ok just the way it is. Always has been. It needed my adult self to pay attention to it.

A long the course of its upbringing, it losts it’s way…

And decided to wait in my heart until years later the adult me was strong enough to listen to it, care for it and love it.

You are me after all...

Trapped Voice

  

I’ve always loved to write. It’s something that has never failed me. 

It is reliable in life to just pick up a pen, in my case pencil and write down lists,thoughts,dreams,letters I’ll send, letters I’ll never send to that person but had to get out of my system, short story’s, or even the odd poem here and there.

I mean heck! I can be anything in the privacy of my own home.

Lately when I’ve wanted to write, something odd happens. My throat tightenes and I can’t manage to get the words out and onto paper.

It’s a blockage. A blockage that I will not let frustrate me, it sometimes makes me grin, because I can’t understand it… 

” I just has something to say but it’s not ready to come out and into print”

Why?

Its a weird feeling. A feeling of limitation. As though I’ve lost my freedom. My juice has run out. Gosh it makes me feel so useless. 

Have I nothing? Nothing productive to share?

I must have something bubbling, that is of interest to me, because my heart and soul is still working away, making me restless inside my body. Fidgetting, shaking with my legs, bodily movements and impulses annoying the crap out of the people closest to me.

I’d love to put something down on paper, but nothing productive comes out.

Then I noticed. It’s not a creative block…it’s just WRITING BLUES.

And then I started investing time in putting my thoughts and love and juice into expressing myself differently.

In pictures.

When at first you don’t succeed, give it time to come back to you, while you do something else you’re passionate about.

I have paused my hobby writing, but found other ways to live out my needs.

Telling stories through pictures.

Instagram allows me to post and share picture, that tell a little tale about my life and my interests, but allow me to put my writing at rest.

My writingsoul needs time to recuperate and get inspired again. And then the words will flow again. I’m sure. But in the meantime there’s no need to worry. So much time in a day to be filled with other passions… 

Don’t fret, accept and have a good time.

Express yourself differently and writing will come back to you.

Bloggers Fatigue& Procrastinating

During my flat-move I have suffered some bloggers fatigue. Every time I picked up a pen to write the idea of resting just seemed so much easier and better. Sometimes it’s just so much easier snuggling under a duvet and hiding away than getting your arse out and about and sharing with the world.

Truth is though when you do get up and go about your day, or put on your Laptop and post, you feel a small sense of achievement after.

Blogging is great for anybody wanting to take baby steps towards becoming more routined and for us all to stop procrastinating.

Most people procrastinate a bit and that is fine. Sometimes is does feel better leaving the washing till AFTER we’ve finished our coffee. But in most cases it’s just a slippery slope, we all know better. We all know some habits…( iPhone just wrote ‘Hobbits’ lol) aren’t good for us. It’s just getting it into our systems and making it an automatic mechanism that is sometimes damn difficult.

What I used to do in times of bad procrastination was:

1. Force yourself to do task a day you aren’t really motivated at all about.  Just knowing afterwards that you can tick off something important feels good and rewarding.

With Blogging you get to be creative and can motivate yourself knowing that someone will read what you are writing and know what you’re about.

Blogging Fatigue makes you feel like you got nothing and will do some writing another day, but one you just start a lot just happens on its own. Opening doors of possibilities on even the laziest of days.

DECEMBER HOME SCENT

I am crazy in love with this time of year.

Every evening from about 5 pm, THE XMAS-ALBUM is on loop. My home, my food, my entertainment mostly revolves around something christmassy.

There is so much bad going on in the world. So many hardships in everyday life.

I have the tradition of blocking the month December for only cozy, happy thoughts.

It is naive, it is living in a fairytale and it doesn’t always work but for me: I try my best to make IT  happen.

It all starts with my home. Our home is the one thing we should invest in to make it warm and inviting. Not for our guests, but for ourselves.

So many students or people who work long hours just see their apartments as dumping grounds for their tired bodies to sleep and then leave the next morning.

Things are said like “I’m hardly ever there.” or ” I much rather go out”.

Well friends: ” If you treat your apartment like an actual HOME, you might enjoy being there more and then every month will be well worth paying the rent.

Tastes in decoration vary, I’m not even going to go into where and how I hang up my lights etc.

But I will share one thing.

My home MUST-HAVE in DECEMBER is : *drumroll*

“THE SCENTED CANDLE” 

I know it sounds so ridiculous. But a lovely scent in your home helps so much to bond with your place and relax. A scented candle doesn’t have to remind you of old lady florals, heavy with rose or lavender. There is a scent for every home. From mature florals, woody masculine scents, light smells that slowly wrap themselves around you to intense smells that punch you in the face.

Smells have such a massive psychological effect on us, why not use them for our well-being?

I personally prefer soft, clean and light smells for my home.

Even around X-MAS I haven’t gone for a  heavy gingerbread, nutty, caramelized orangey smell, more of a light pine and cedar wood with mint.

The scent I’m all about this month is :

Yankee Candles “Winter Glow”

But that’s just me…and in the “Department of Stink”, I am not that adventurous. I don’t have to have my home smelling of freshly baked gingerbread men and christmas cookies. I much rather just eat them.

At the moment there are so many ‘Special Edition Scents’ to choose from. Do you use anything in particular?

What one person loves might not be for another, and if your living with a man be careful not to go to town in the floral department as they often don’t really appreciate them.

For unisex households I like anything fresh and subtle like “Winter Glow” ,” Clean Cotton”, Yankee Candle.

or “New York; Black Tie” from Bath and Body Works.

Go out and sniff something good today, bring it home and transform your home into a snuggly Winter Wonderland or Icey Man-cave.

 

 

 

YEARNING FOR A MEMORY

(bhmpics.com)

We have a lot of options when it comes to hiding away.

Like me…

If I’m not in the mood to talk I don’t answer the phone. If during my daily walk I don’t want to communicate with my neighbor I just wait a few seconds behind a wall until they have gone inside and have closed the door behind them. Or if I’m sad but don’t know how to share I just hide it behind a smile.

These are ways to escape confrontation. Communication.Good or bad.

I can deal with certain people another time I think…

But then there are things that can’t be ignored: memories. They fill me with painful feelings of nostalgia. It can creep up on you during the day but also in your sleep, leaving you groggy the next morning with a sense of sadness or dread.

Is my soul trying to tell me something? Are these thoughts of times gone by impulses to act on? A silent motivator? Or just ghosts not put to rest.

Sometimes I can’t believe the things I remember .The time we spend reminiscing about that memory.

People say it’s all in the past just move on.

But to many that sounds like forgetting and that is not something everyone is prepared to do…

Prepared to forget that time, which seems to play a major role to you or you would not keep softly playing with these thoughts in your mind. Over and over like rehearsing a song…

Connecting Through Writing

Everybody wants to be listened to. Listened to and understood.

Having a person hear us, acknowledge us and reflect back that they got the point we were making.This is what we want in communication. A person to listen to us and vice versa. A feeling of connection.

Doing this makes us feel less alone.

At times it is not easy to own your voice. We can get discouraged by others, intimidated showing genuinely who we are and sharing ourselves with others…

Writing is a gift to those I think, who don’t go all out there in speech, but process a lot in thought and need an outlet, to try and restore an inner balance.

“Making peace with our mind by putting its thoughts on paper.”

To tell somebody. Even if that somebody starts out with being a blank sheet.

Writing helps us put down ideas and opinions and unlike speech, it’s easier to edit and improve what we were trying to say, before it was SAID. HEARD. &.ACKNOWLEDGED.

Being able to reach others through writing something, telling a story. Having what we write read and with this :”HEARD” is a wonderful process. It’s like taking care of a garden. The garden of our mind and sharing it’s images with others…

 

-ENOUGH FOR THE MOMENT-

SEATTLE LOVESTORY PART 2:

Seattle my precious! I return with a new post dedicated to you and further reasons why I love you❤️:

 

Walking through Mt. Rainer National Park in Spring, breathing in the fresh air and witnessing the variety of botanical beauty.

 (photo: fineartamerica.com)

There are not many places I have been, with so much colorful, wild flora and fauna to see! Flowers float every woman’s boat!

If it’s too rainy for a walk, how about retreating with friends to “Quinn’s Pub” on Pike Street!?

(photo featured in “Seattle Times”)

 

Me, I love a good pub meal! And “Quinn’s” combines good lager with great food. P.E.R.F.E.C.T.I.O.N.!

 I also love “Bathtub,Gin& Co“  on 2nd Ave for a glass of wine or an obvious, clichéd Gin &Tonic, while catching up with friends after a shop in the City.

Seattle also offers great museums to visit.

Something different from your typical art museum would be for example “The Museum of Glass”, colorful, funky glass art.

or visiting “The Boeing Museum”…

As fan of the Airbus but even I appreciate the “Boeing 747’s” elegance in design and shape. Nice to visit the real “Boeing Fans Heaven” for more.

I could go on and on about my Place-To-Be, but think I’ll save the rest for another time.

Be inspired by Seattle and take a pick from what this amazing city has to offer YOU…..?

 

People Who Inspire Us To Be Ourselves

One of the best feelings in the world, besides seeing the waiter finally bring your meal, when you’re absolutely starving, or finally being able to pee after a long looooong drive, is definitely hearing the encouraging words of our loved ones.

True compliments and support are what help us grow, find faith in ourselves, and enable us to believe for that moment ” Maybe you are right, I can do this”.

Some people aren’t fortunate enough to get a lot of positive feedback from their surroundings. They might need to be strong for themselves.

Give someone a compliment or an act of kindness each day. Help inspire something bigger.

Venice I Wish We Had Met Years Ago

Venice you are stunning. Each photo taken of you could be a postcard…

You are worth a visit on every day of the year. No matter if cold, rainy or blistering hot…there is always more to discover.

The carnival bringing back a childlike magic. The masked creatures continue to haunt me. But not in a bad way. More mystery than malice. Never knowing who is hiding underneath. A character portrayed to the outside river banks, to onlookers, but a character portrayed often far from the truth.

(Photo: Deborah Kolb fineartamerica.com)

 

How I long to be the only one walking across the Piazza San Marco.

For time to stand still in this beautiful city of art and history…

To take in the sound of pigeons quietly hooting…flapping their wings to take flight.

A moment of rich cultural truth…

Without a selfie stick prodding me, tour groups shuffling around me, nowhere to escape from the touristic overload. Every menu offers the same. Gondolas have lost their elegant status of romance…now just another way to make big money out of innocent visitors.

Venice, maybe we should have met at a different time….