Out Of Reach

Death puts a lot in perspective.

Caring for someone through their last days is a bittersweet rewarding experience. The experience of easing someone’s passing. Giving them something to smile about at the end of their life. A joke, a fond memory..

After I said my last goodbye and my family friend had left, I felt at piece. At piece for her and the suffering she endured with cancer, and at piece knowing that this is a chapter all of us must face sooner or later. We are all connected. And in this we are not alone.

Anxiety crept up on me quite some time after her passing.

A restlessness surfaced which I chose to blame on too much caffeine.

Tossing and turning at night and the question: ,,Am I living my life right?”

(Image: pbs.org)

I am living life how I pictured it should be. Content, happy, secure.

I travel a lot, love my job and never complain… And still somebody dying has shaken me awake wondering “Where is all this going?”

The way my life plays out is totally out of my grasp.

So much pressure on finding your true calling. Finding the right mate. Not only finding happiness, but maintaining it.

We can actively work on our own fullfillment. The bible, Gurus, Cosmopolitan tells us that..

But what about the thoughts we can’t control? The questions that appear shortly after the happiest of times nudging us not to take this moment for granted and contemplate our life path.

Sometimes even the most perfect of lives ends up being questioned “What the hell am I doing!? What the hell am I doing or not doing to make me feel so much doubt?”