INNER CHILD CALLING…

They never said it was going to be easy.They also never said it was going to be as hard as it sometimes is.

Being an adult, we never are just that…

  Inside of me resides a little soul from the past. A part of me that never grew up. Got hung up along the way of climbing the age-ladder. 

That little soul is my inner-child. It reminds me in my adult life, during unexpected moments,of its delicate presence, that it is still there needing to be cared for and healed.

Healed from what? I am busy! Being an adult with work, relationships, finances.

But some things can’t be pushed aside for eternity. Sooner or later the little voice inside of me becomes louder. Craving attention. 

This is the source of my true wants and needs. The secret bearer of the puzzle pieces to make my heart complete. 

There’s no point in ignoring shortcomings. Not even those of a childhood trapped inside of me. I have to give in, listen to it, acknowledge it. And then …

The voice is gone. Quiet. Calm returns I can get on with my day. 

My inner child just needed attention,love, encouragement, that it’s ok just the way it is. Always has been. It needed my adult self to pay attention to it.

A long the course of its upbringing, it losts it’s way…

And decided to wait in my heart until years later the adult me was strong enough to listen to it, care for it and love it.

You are me after all...

Thought of The Day:Childhood Nostalgia at the Fairground

The Fair has come to my Hometown again. And with it comes chocolate covered fruit, candy floss and Merry-Go-Rounds. I don’t do well in loud, busy places but am easily tempted by the promise of sugary goods and bottled evening beer, while sitting on a blanket in the park. It’s a time for socializing, time for families with children and most of all time for me to find the best Fairground attraction ever.

The Sea-Hamsters Ball.

It’s not actually called that.But it is a blown up round contraption floating on water, with kids running inside like hamsters.

I can’t think of a better way to tire your children out for a long, deep sleep than letting them work hard at keeping their balance in a water filled paddling pool.

I can’t help feeling a little jealous. Jealous that this didn’t exist when I was that age. And wondering whether or not I can have a go.

“I’m too big. What a pity…”

watching it I remember how it felt as a child believing nothing was impossible. Believing that if I flap my arms hard enough I can fly.

Waking up having dreamed of flying. Wanting to be able to breath underwater or be able to become invisible like Harry Potter under a cloak.

• What a magical time childhood can be…

A SUNDAY IN GHANA

I have a relaxed relationship with money. I have always found that if you work money flows out of your purse and after a while it flows back in. I can’t get my head around how greedy and mean people are with money when they mostly have enough to go around. Every few months or so I take 50€ out of my bank after pay-day and buy school and hygiene essentials for kids in need.

This time I was going to visit an orphanage in Ghana and bring them my donations. It was a very hot, sunny sunday. I took a driver through town and on arrival was greeted at the gates by a lovely Danish girl, who had been doing voluntary work at the orphanage over the summer. She looked into my bag and said that the stuff was very useful. Especially something as simple as a packet of sweets|candy can make a childs day.

The children were enjoying their weekly sunday school service, which they mostly organized themselves. The older teenage girls dressed up beautifully for the occasion took the lead when it came to singing Christian church songs and the younger Kids clapped in unison and sang along for a good hour.

It was great to see a place where children of all ages were having such a great time, with volunteers paying them attention and tending to their needs. The Kids had recently even been allowed to paint a wall with colourful paint as a creative project.

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They were a strong Family community, with everyone looking out for each other. They played in groups, cooked in groups and cleaned in groups making them strong and well equipped hopefully for later life.

I left feeling that my money had been well spent.

 “50€ is something I’d spend on a jumper  and with that money it was possible to make 20-30 kids happy.”

Some people in our society with well paid jobs are even too stingy to buy a round of beer for friends or colleagues. It’s so pathetic and such a unattractive quality. Money can make life for the poor a tiny bit easier.

“We can can even make a friend so happy being generous and buying some chocolates or flowers for a Euro, Dollar or Pound.”

Before buying that tenth white shirt we should consider giving back a gift to somebody who deserves a treat ones in a while…

A Meaningful Acquaintance *Chennai*

In hindsight I had been longing to meet you for quite some time.  For days I had felt an urge in my heart, the very clear urge to act…but I didn’t quite know on what.? I then found a paper with the advertisement of an orphanage in India. This was the address of your home. The place you grow up and are expected to feel safe.

I didn’t know that then… I just knew for certain I had to go. I didn’t know I would have the privilege to meet you.

I came prepared with gifts I thought children your age might like. Things that would bring you great joy. Things for playing together and things you could call your own. I made sure they were clean and unbroken. You were still unbroken yourself when we met.

The first time I saw You, You were drinking water from a tap outside. Other children were being bathed. They glanced over at me warily. While walking up to them, they hid behind one of the caregivers. I gave them each a gift and when I turned back to find you, but you had disappeared.  I strolled around the grounds trying to make a picture of how you spent your time. You had a school room, equipped with wooden tables and unmatching chairs. In a corner were a few books. Maybe you’d read them all one day. I went outside, sat down on a rock and watched the caregivers going about their every day chores. Washing, cleaning, looking after your friends…or rather your family.

Suddenly I felt a hand on my upper arm I turned around to find behind me. First poking me with your pudgy finger and then stroking me.

Your smile was so bright! It is highly contagious you know?

I had to laugh as well. I noticed something welling up inside of me, tears started to stream down my face. I felt happy looking at you. Just so beautiful for who you are and sad because I knew I had to leave. Had to leave you behind. Something kicked in, an instinct, something inside me had changed at that moment. I reached into my bag and pulled out a doll. My favorite…she used to be, “Still is” and gave her to you. I knew I had  made you happy. You started to play, examine the frills on her blue dress. I left you to it and got up to leave. You didn’t notice. Walking out through your homes gate I turned around at a crunching noise. It was you walking towards me on the dusty ground. You gave me a look. I captured it. I will never know what you were thinking.

I still think about you a lot and hope you are well…

All Photos featured are my own.