Illness Guilt

  1. It’s that time again.

I turned green and was sent home immediately with fever. Stomach infection my doctor told me.

Sick Woman.Flu.Woman Caught Cold. Sneezing into Tissue. Headache. Virus .Medicines

I was expecting images to flash before me. Lying on couch, with hot cocoa, chicken broth being served every few hours and a sitcom to keep me entertained…

An old friend of mine says he welcomes being sick with open arms. He gets to be taken care of by mum. Bit of fussing here and fussing there. Feeling taken care of.It’s our body’s time for rest and rejuvenation.

Weird. In theory I think it sounds right and is the most positive approach. But in the real situation I am afraid I feel very much different from snugly.

And I don’t mean the physical symptoms nausea, blocked lungs and nasal passages, fever.

I get very emotional in time of illness.

Firstly the feeling of being physically weak, makes me all vulnerable and pretty much winey. I feel like a complete waste of space not being able to go for long walk, meet with people etc.

The fact that when I’m ill it’s often me alone in my flat does not make it a more pleasurable situation. Samantha from Sex and the City pinpointed the feeling to perfection wining and sneezing on poor Carrie who was taking care of her for the day.

“We’re all alone Carrie!!!”

Video Clip here!

Then I am also taken over by the worst thing. And last thing a person needs. Guilt. The guilt of having to call in sick. The guilt of being the ill one. Fear of maybe being punished for not being able to dive into my work tasks.

This guilt is conditioned, by my school life as a child. Our Teachers were never loving and concerned for our wellbeing. We were treated often like a sty in their eye if we didn’t attend lessons, due to flu etc.

One missed homework assignment left us feeling guilty…Built up over the years.

Some of us just needed support and empathy…

Being ill we aren’t all alone. But we feel all alone and helpless.

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